Ronald U. Swanson

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benjamin-ben-wyatt:

leslieknope2k12:

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leslieknope2k12:

benjamin-ben-wyatt:

According to Leslie’s increasingly less coherent texts, things seemed to be really heating up at the Snakehole. Apparently, even Ron was getting in on it. Feeling worlds…

Chris was starting to feel a little lightheaded from all of the dancing, he decided to take a break. He couldn’t even remember the girl he was dancing with’s name. He muttered something about having to get some air before he slowly made his way into a secluded booth in the corner. 

He collapsed on a booth, rudely interrupting a couple that had been making out, they left in a huff.

“Sorry.” Chris said in barely a whisper with an apologetic wave of his hand.

He wasn’t really sure what he was doing. This wasn’t like him at all. Drinking? Come on. He sighed and leaned his head back against the wall trying to go with the room spins. He didn’t think he’d really remember this in the morning. He just felt pathetic at this point. He didn’t need a rebound, or a drunken haze. What he needed was just a little time alone, extra exercise time, and to really re-focus on his work.

“Wait a second…” Chris said, he felt around in his pocket until he found it.

A small bottle of pureed greens. He downed it in a gulp and decided to stay in this room for just a little longer, it was so quiet and peaceful and nice. He slid even further down on the seat and rested his head on the soft vinyl. 

Just a moment alone was all he needed and he’d be good as new.

Suddenly Andy interrupted his moment of peace, excitedly putting his arm around Chris’s shoulder. 

“Chris!” He yelled over the loud music, tightening his grasp, “I’ve never seen you like this before! I like it!” 

Andy, despite not being drunk, was having a good time. He was in a happy mood and had been running around the club all night, chasing after April and dancing. He was drenched in sweat but didn’t care that he was getting it all over Chris. 

“Let me buy you a drink!” he offered, and without waiting for a reply, bolted off. 

Ron was dancing. In public. Where people could see. And he was happy about it. This was not how Ron Swanson behaved. He felt bad for people who behaved like this. In his mind Ron thought that, logically, he couldn’t be himself. So he decided that he must be someone else. But who? He settled on the name Samuel.

As he was solidifying his new alter-ego in his mind, Andy bumped into him on the way to the bar. “Andrew, my name is now Samuel,” he shouted. Andy gave him a weird look. Ron would not be happy with Sam’s decision to tell people about the change, but he wouldn’t have to deal with it until tomorrow.

Until then, Sam was going to dance.

Andy had bumped into Ron on his way to the bar. As he was about to say a friendly, “Hey Ron!” Ron had told him his name was Samuel. Was this is a joke? Or a trick? Andy did not question it. He didn’t want to get on the wrong side of someone who could possibly be his boss. 

He just nodded and walked off, confused as ever. 

He pulled out a twenty and ordered a drink for Chris. The bartender nodded and went off to fix the drink. Andy scanned the room and spotted April on the other side. He tried waving but she was too drunk to notice. 

“Man,” Andy mumbled to himself, “being the only sober one sucks”. 

April, in the sheer horror of being out in public to help someone, had started drinking as soon as she walked into the Snakehole. She had seen Chris and slightly acknowledged his drunken existence, but decided it would be better to get a few drinks in before she went over to try to comfort him. Besides, he looked like he was having a good enough time.

As the drink amount increased, April found herself less concerned about people thinking she was having fun and more concerned about finding a place to sit. The bar area was crowded with only one seat left, so she took it. She didn’t like the way the guy next to her was touching her elbow, so she stared at him until he got uncomfortable enough to get up.

With a free seat next to her, she beckoned Andy to come over. She wanted to talk to him before she had to go back out and join the committee to make Chris feel better.

“This is stupid,” she muttered to herself. Though she really didn’t think it was all that stupid - she sort of liked how her co-workers banded together to help someone in need.

Andy grabbed the drink as the bartender handed it to him and immediately forgot about Chris because April was now waving him over. 

“APRIL!” he grinned enthusiastically. He handed her Chris’s drink. “Man, it’s really boring here when I’m not super drunk!” he shouted over the loud music. He then spotted Chris sitting by himself and smacked himself on the head, “oops, that drink was meant for Chris. Man I’m always forgetting stuff.”

Andy felt bad for Chris but at the same time he wasn’t up to conversing with him over the loud music and chatter. Usually Andy loved cheering people up but he just felt tired and needed just one drink in him… 

Chris had started playing with a torn hole in one of the cushions of the booth he was sitting in. It had grown exponentially. He didn’t know where Andy or Leslie or anyone else had disappeared to. And at the moment he didn’t really care.

He got down on the floor and just laid there. 

“Hello old friend.” He said to it. Pressing his cheek against the cool tile.

April accepted the drink Andy handed her, ignoring the fact that it was for Chris, and eyed him suspiciously. He was looking at the bar with his silly bear eyes and she knew he was thinking about drinking. She also knew he had volunteered to be everyone’s designated driver. From the looks of how everyone was acting, they needed him.

Luckily a distraction came when she noticed Chris slumping down on the floor. She quickly downed the drink, hopped off the bar stool, and grabbed Andy’s arm.

“C’mon. I think Chris just died or something.”

April had grabbed Andy and she was dragging him towards Chris who was laying face down on the floor. 

He was definitely breathing, and in fact, looked satisfied and happy. But in a weird way. 

Andy let out a chuckle, “Chris, you’re hilarious!” What kind of guy would lie down in the middle of a club like that? How awesome and chill would you have to be to get away with something like that?

Andy was both amused and impressed. 

“He’s just being silly,” Andy explained to April, who had weirdly expressed concern for someone she supposedly hated so much. 

Chris heard footsteps approaching from behind him. He looked up from the floor to see Andy and April. 

“Guys this is incredible. I could hear your footsteps through the floor, like surround sound. Simply amazing.” He put his ear back to the floor to see what else he could hear. He heard Andy tell April that he was just being silly. The last bit of self-preservation he had was telling him to sit up, so he did.

The entire room started spinning before his eyes, he held onto the booth to keep himself steady, he was pretty sure he even went cross-eyed for a moment there. He got himself up and then nearly toppled over into April and Andy.

“So whats next guys?” He said grinning, slurring heavily. 

Just as Ron’s drunken alter-ego Sam was getting settled in, the order of ribs arrived. Ron came snapping back. And slightly more sober. Because ribs. He ate half the order in just under five minutes, when something caught his attention. He turned to the waitress.

“I am not done. If any of these are missing when I get back, I’m holding you personally responsible. And I have counted them.”

Ron then started towards what had initially distracted him from his meaty bliss: Andy and April huddled around Chris, who was face-down on the floor. As he came up to them, he stealthily took out his phone and snapped a picture of the man on the ground. Chris rose and shouted “So what’s next guys?” over the music.

“April. Andrew. It’s me, Ron Swanson, and not anybody else. Anyways, although I love to see government officials acting like jackasses, we need to get him some water,” he said, nodding his head at Chris.

(via xknowthyenemyx)

number1coltsfan:

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benjamin-ben-wyatt:

leslieknope2k12:

benjamin-ben-wyatt:

leslieknope2k12:

benjamin-ben-wyatt:

According to Leslie’s increasingly less coherent texts, things seemed to be really heating up at the Snakehole. Apparently, even Ron was getting in on it. Feeling worlds…

Chris was starting to feel a little lightheaded from all of the dancing, he decided to take a break. He couldn’t even remember the girl he was dancing with’s name. He muttered something about having to get some air before he slowly made his way into a secluded booth in the corner. 

He collapsed on a booth, rudely interrupting a couple that had been making out, they left in a huff.

“Sorry.” Chris said in barely a whisper with an apologetic wave of his hand.

He wasn’t really sure what he was doing. This wasn’t like him at all. Drinking? Come on. He sighed and leaned his head back against the wall trying to go with the room spins. He didn’t think he’d really remember this in the morning. He just felt pathetic at this point. He didn’t need a rebound, or a drunken haze. What he needed was just a little time alone, extra exercise time, and to really re-focus on his work.

“Wait a second…” Chris said, he felt around in his pocket until he found it.

A small bottle of pureed greens. He downed it in a gulp and decided to stay in this room for just a little longer, it was so quiet and peaceful and nice. He slid even further down on the seat and rested his head on the soft vinyl. 

Just a moment alone was all he needed and he’d be good as new.

Suddenly Andy interrupted his moment of peace, excitedly putting his arm around Chris’s shoulder. 

“Chris!” He yelled over the loud music, tightening his grasp, “I’ve never seen you like this before! I like it!” 

Andy, despite not being drunk, was having a good time. He was in a happy mood and had been running around the club all night, chasing after April and dancing. He was drenched in sweat but didn’t care that he was getting it all over Chris. 

“Let me buy you a drink!” he offered, and without waiting for a reply, bolted off. 

Ron was dancing. In public. Where people could see. And he was happy about it. This was not how Ron Swanson behaved. He felt bad for people who behaved like this. In his mind Ron thought that, logically, he couldn’t be himself. So he decided that he must be someone else. But who? He settled on the name Samuel.

As he was solidifying his new alter-ego in his mind, Andy bumped into him on the way to the bar. “Andrew, my name is now Samuel,” he shouted. Andy gave him a weird look. Ron would not be happy with Sam’s decision to tell people about the change, but he wouldn’t have to deal with it until tomorrow.

Until then, Sam was going to dance.

(via number1coltsfan-deactivated2012)

literallythebestcitycouncil:

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leslieknope2k12:

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leslieknope2k12:

tommy—timberlake:

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Chris had begun to feel just a tad woozy, nothing he couldn’t handle…yet.

“I just texted Ben!” Leslie shouted.

“Oh! Well thats lovely! I’d be delighted if he would join us!” Chris said. He was actually pretty shocked at how well he…

Chris stumbled back over to the table where Leslie and Tom were still sitting. He saw an empty shot glass in front of Leslie.

“I see you gave in!” He said pointing at her empty glass. 

“And so did I! Look what I got!” He slurred showing them a small piece of paper with a phone number written on it. Chris had somehow managed to get Mandy’s number although he was quickly becoming increasingly buzzed. 

“Have you guys ever noticed that the lines on your hands look like little rivers?” He noted holding his hands in front of his face, blinking to try and get them in focus.

“Whose up for another round of Snake Juice! Tom?”

Leslie grinned in amusement as Chris returned in considerably better spirits. “Heeey, you got a phone number! See? That Traeger charm works!” She slapped her open palm against his outstretched one in a high-five.

She declined the offer for another shot, wrinkling her nose. “I’ll pass. I’ll just have another beer. Much safer.”

Leslie checked her phone again, sending another text to Ben: “Where are you? I miss your face.” 

Chris responded to Leslie’s palm with an eager high five. 

“Yeah you’re right Leslie I may just stick with beer myself.” He said as he was definitely feeling woozy at this point. Although if Tom offered him another shot, he probably wouldn’t decline.

“Yeah I’m having a good time! I’ve still got it! Millicent who?” Chris yelled a little too loudly. He couldn’t even hear himself anymore, just a dull pounding from the bass of the music.

“I want to dance!” 

Ron Swanson didn’t “hang out” with people. That involved spending time with people. And talking. Tonight, however, was different. Chris was hurt and, while Ron didn’t particularly care, Leslie cared, and he respected her. Plus, the Snakehole Lounge would have Snakejuice which, due to government regulations, could not legally be sold to individual consumers by the bottle. “Another reason the government sucks,” Ron thought to himself.

He parked his car and walked through the front door. Halfway to the bar, he stumbled upon Chris. Or, rather, Chris stumbled into him. Chris made no effort to talk to him, only mumbling something about “needing to dance.”
“He should be drunk more often,” Ron thought.

At the bar he found Leslie, eyes buried in her phone, and Tom, dressed like an idiot.
“Leslie. Thomas,” he said before turning to the bartender.
“Three Snakejuices, please.”

Leslie watched as Chris wandered off to go dance; she was keeping her feet firmly on the floor for the moment. “Ron! Hi! So glad you stopped by!” She jerked a thumb towards Tom. “Tom got Chris plowed on Snake Juice, so I’m chaperoning both of them right now.”

When Ron ordered another trio of Snake Juice shots, she folded her arms. “So all three of those had better be for you, buddy.”

“They are,” Ron replied. “If Chris is going to be talking to me and/or having emotions, then I am not going to remember it.”

When the drinks came, he downed the first in one gulp. He combined the remaining two in one glass and began to sip on it.

Tom was glad Chris was already half past wasted. He needed it. Heartbreak was’t easy, and Tom had been there. Multiple times. It sucked, but alcohol was usually the best idea.

He’d never admit it, but it took very little alcohol to get him drunk. He was short, and even though it seemed like he drank a lot, it took very little. Probably three shots of Snake juice, four or five of anything else. So, already Tom was feeling it, but by the end of the night, he didn’t expect to feel anything.

“He needs this Leslie. And then he can be happy by working it out of his system for the next month and a half.” Tom turned and watched as Chris danced drunkenly out on the dance floor, and saw a familiar face walk up to him and Leslie. “Rontanamo! Here for some Snake Juice part two? Let’s do it!” Tom ordered three more shots, two for himself, and leaving one for Chris. Oh yeah, this night was going to be interesting.

He was in own zone. Totally grooving to the music. Maybe he’d even ask Mandy to dance later after her shift was over. He hadn’t thought about Millicent all night, maybe he could work of girls like he would this alcohol. He’d have to run a 20k tomorrow instead of his usual. 

Chris looked up as he heard someone shout, “Rontonamo!” Tom had returned to the group. He decided to migrate back over there.

“Toooooommmm! Whassup buddy?” Chris stuttered out throwing his arm around Tom’s shoulders. Almost snagging his fingers in his gold chain.

Leslie was beginning to feel a bit like this might not have been the greatest idea, getting Chris drunk. After all, the unofficial slogan for Snake Juice was “lots of regret and shame.” Who knew what Chris would be like the next morning? Who knew if Chris would even be alive the next morning? 

She continued to sip at her beer, going a lot more slowly than she had with her first drink. Her eyes constantly strayed over to the door to the club, looking for the familiar plaid that meant Ben had arrived. And where were Andy and April? Probably having sex in Andy’s van or something like that.

Leslie propped her chin up on her hand and watched as Chris and Tom did another round of shots. 

Tom was really feeling it. Two shots in, working on his third. That’s what Snake Juice did to you. 

He should have been insulted by what Ron said, but right now he was nodding his head in agreement, barely even registering what he had said in the first place. “I know, this stuff is amazing! I don’t understand why no one wants to buy it! It’s a party in a bottle!”

He was glad to see Ron order more, but this was probably it for Tom. He’d be wasted anyway, being halfway there. Like Chris was, when he wandered over and threw his arm around Tom. This was the most relaxed he’d ever seen him. It was really weird.

“I think one more round of shots is in order, and then dancing.” He pointed exaggeratedly to the dance floor, doing a weird jig thing in place. “That reminds me, I gotta text my boy Jean-Ralphio. Find out where he is. He can’t miss this!”

“Count me out of this round Tom.” Chris said pointing haphazardly at the try on the table. “I think I’ve had more than enough.” 

Although Chris was steadily riding the train to black out wasted, at least part of his brain was still functioning, enough to the point where it knew he didn’t need anymore liquor in his system. It was probably his extra storage of good nutrients up there that was keep him standing at the moment. 

“Did I hear we’re all in agreement for dancing!?” Chris said excitedly like a little boy on Christmas. He started doing a half-assed robot. “Leggoo!” He said with extreme enthusiasm and started leading them out on the dance floor.

This was definitely the most laid-back he’d ever been with this group, and he was loving every second of it.

Six shots of Snakejuice in a short period of time, and Ron was starting to feel the buzz. He heard a discussion of dancing and felt his face morph into a scowl. “Did I hear we’re all in agreement for dancing!?” Chris shouted over the music.

“No,” Ron retorted, “the only time a man should dance is at a wedding or on the anniversary of America’s birth.” But even as the words tumbled out of his mouth he could feel his body moving (almost) to the beat of the music.

He watched as Chris began to do a bad impression of a robot, and thought to himself “That’s not how you do that.” He decided he would just blame it on the government. Chris shouted “Leggoo!” and Ron involuntarily let out a small “Woohoo.”

When he realized what he had done, he knew that it was already over. His body was going to make him dance. Again. He ordered another shot of Snakejuice so he wouldn’t remember and began shuffling towards the dance floor.

(via xknowthyenemyx)

leslieknope2k12:

baconwrappedswanson:

literallythebestcitycouncil:

leslieknope2k12:

literallythebestcitycouncil:

leslieknope2k12:

tommy—timberlake:

literallythebestcitycouncil:

Chris had begun to feel just a tad woozy, nothing he couldn’t handle…yet.

“I just texted Ben!” Leslie shouted.

“Oh! Well thats lovely! I’d be delighted if he would join us!” Chris said. He was actually pretty shocked at how well he…

Chris stumbled back over to the table where Leslie and Tom were still sitting. He saw an empty shot glass in front of Leslie.

“I see you gave in!” He said pointing at her empty glass. 

“And so did I! Look what I got!” He slurred showing them a small piece of paper with a phone number written on it. Chris had somehow managed to get Mandy’s number although he was quickly becoming increasingly buzzed. 

“Have you guys ever noticed that the lines on your hands look like little rivers?” He noted holding his hands in front of his face, blinking to try and get them in focus.

“Whose up for another round of Snake Juice! Tom?”

Leslie grinned in amusement as Chris returned in considerably better spirits. “Heeey, you got a phone number! See? That Traeger charm works!” She slapped her open palm against his outstretched one in a high-five.

She declined the offer for another shot, wrinkling her nose. “I’ll pass. I’ll just have another beer. Much safer.”

Leslie checked her phone again, sending another text to Ben: “Where are you? I miss your face.” 

Chris responded to Leslie’s palm with an eager high five. 

“Yeah you’re right Leslie I may just stick with beer myself.” He said as he was definitely feeling woozy at this point. Although if Tom offered him another shot, he probably wouldn’t decline.

“Yeah I’m having a good time! I’ve still got it! Millicent who?” Chris yelled a little too loudly. He couldn’t even hear himself anymore, just a dull pounding from the bass of the music.

“I want to dance!” 

Ron Swanson didn’t “hang out” with people. That involved spending time with people. And talking. Tonight, however, was different. Chris was hurt and, while Ron didn’t particularly care, Leslie cared, and he respected her. Plus, the Snakehole Lounge would have Snakejuice which, due to government regulations, could not legally be sold to individual consumers by the bottle. “Another reason the government sucks,” Ron thought to himself.

He parked his car and walked through the front door. Halfway to the bar, he stumbled upon Chris. Or, rather, Chris stumbled into him. Chris made no effort to talk to him, only mumbling something about “needing to dance.”
“He should be drunk more often,” Ron thought.

At the bar he found Leslie, eyes buried in her phone, and Tom, dressed like an idiot.
“Leslie. Thomas,” he said before turning to the bartender.
“Three Snakejuices, please.”

Leslie watched as Chris wandered off to go dance; she was keeping her feet firmly on the floor for the moment. “Ron! Hi! So glad you stopped by!” She jerked a thumb towards Tom. “Tom got Chris plowed on Snake Juice, so I’m chaperoning both of them right now.”

When Ron ordered another trio of Snake Juice shots, she folded her arms. “So all three of those had better be for you, buddy.”

“They are,” Ron replied. “If Chris is going to be talking to me and/or having emotions, then I am not going to remember it.”

When the drinks came, he downed the first in one gulp. He combined the remaining two in one glass and began to sip on it.

(via leslieknope2k12-deactivated2012)

literallythebestcitycouncil:

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Chris had begun to feel just a tad woozy, nothing he couldn’t handle…yet.

“I just texted Ben!” Leslie shouted.

“Oh! Well thats lovely! I’d be delighted if he would join us!” Chris said. He was actually pretty shocked at how well he…

Chris stumbled back over to the table where Leslie and Tom were still sitting. He saw an empty shot glass in front of Leslie.

“I see you gave in!” He said pointing at her empty glass. 

“And so did I! Look what I got!” He slurred showing them a small piece of paper with a phone number written on it. Chris had somehow managed to get Mandy’s number although he was quickly becoming increasingly buzzed. 

“Have you guys ever noticed that the lines on your hands look like little rivers?” He noted holding his hands in front of his face, blinking to try and get them in focus.

“Whose up for another round of Snake Juice! Tom?”

Leslie grinned in amusement as Chris returned in considerably better spirits. “Heeey, you got a phone number! See? That Traeger charm works!” She slapped her open palm against his outstretched one in a high-five.

She declined the offer for another shot, wrinkling her nose. “I’ll pass. I’ll just have another beer. Much safer.”

Leslie checked her phone again, sending another text to Ben: “Where are you? I miss your face.” 

Chris responded to Leslie’s palm with an eager high five. 

“Yeah you’re right Leslie I may just stick with beer myself.” He said as he was definitely feeling woozy at this point. Although if Tom offered him another shot, he probably wouldn’t decline.

“Yeah I’m having a good time! I’ve still got it! Millicent who?” Chris yelled a little too loudly. He couldn’t even hear himself anymore, just a dull pounding from the bass of the music.

“I want to dance!” 

Ron Swanson didn’t “hang out” with people. That involved spending time with people. And talking. Tonight, however, was different. Chris was hurt and, while Ron didn’t particularly care, Leslie cared, and he respected her. Plus, the Snakehole Lounge would have Snakejuice which, due to government regulations, could not legally be sold to individual consumers by the bottle. “Another reason the government sucks,” Ron thought to himself.

He parked his car and walked through the front door. Halfway to the bar, he stumbled upon Chris. Or, rather, Chris stumbled into him. Chris made no effort to talk to him, only mumbling something about “needing to dance.”
“He should be drunk more often,” Ron thought.

At the bar he found Leslie, eyes buried in her phone, and Tom, dressed like an idiot.
“Leslie. Thomas,” he said before turning to the bartender.
“Three Snakejuices, please.”

Ron Swanson had just arrived and he stumbled into Chris, as he headed over to the bar. Chris followed after him. 

Chris started feeling his tongue, it felt odd, like it wasn’t really there, but of course it was there, he was touching it. He pulled it in and out of his mouth for a second. Then he sort of came to and danced his way over to Ron at the bar.

“Ron Swanson!” He shouted with glee, slapping him on the back.

Then he turned to the bartender. “Make that four!”

Ron felt a hand on his back as Chris shouted his name into his ear. “Ron Swanson!”

“And you were doing so well,” Ron muttered, mostly to himself.

Chris was dancing in place next to him. “Make that four!” Chris shouted to the bartender. There was not nearly enough alcohol in his system to manage this much social interaction. “The three I ordered are all for me,” he said aloud, just so no one would get the idea that he was buying them a drink.

(via xknowthyenemyx)

literallythebestcitycouncil:

leslieknope2k12:

literallythebestcitycouncil:

leslieknope2k12:

tommy—timberlake:

literallythebestcitycouncil:

Chris had begun to feel just a tad woozy, nothing he couldn’t handle…yet.

“I just texted Ben!” Leslie shouted.

“Oh! Well thats lovely! I’d be delighted if he would join us!” Chris said. He was actually pretty shocked at how well he…

Chris stumbled back over to the table where Leslie and Tom were still sitting. He saw an empty shot glass in front of Leslie.

“I see you gave in!” He said pointing at her empty glass. 

“And so did I! Look what I got!” He slurred showing them a small piece of paper with a phone number written on it. Chris had somehow managed to get Mandy’s number although he was quickly becoming increasingly buzzed. 

“Have you guys ever noticed that the lines on your hands look like little rivers?” He noted holding his hands in front of his face, blinking to try and get them in focus.

“Whose up for another round of Snake Juice! Tom?”

Leslie grinned in amusement as Chris returned in considerably better spirits. “Heeey, you got a phone number! See? That Traeger charm works!” She slapped her open palm against his outstretched one in a high-five.

She declined the offer for another shot, wrinkling her nose. “I’ll pass. I’ll just have another beer. Much safer.”

Leslie checked her phone again, sending another text to Ben: “Where are you? I miss your face.” 

Chris responded to Leslie’s palm with an eager high five. 

“Yeah you’re right Leslie I may just stick with beer myself.” He said as he was definitely feeling woozy at this point. Although if Tom offered him another shot, he probably wouldn’t decline.

“Yeah I’m having a good time! I’ve still got it! Millicent who?” Chris yelled a little too loudly. He couldn’t even hear himself anymore, just a dull pounding from the bass of the music.

“I want to dance!” 

Ron Swanson didn’t “hang out” with people. That involved spending time with people. And talking. Tonight, however, was different. Chris was hurt and, while Ron didn’t particularly care, Leslie cared, and he respected her. Plus, the Snakehole Lounge would have Snakejuice which, due to government regulations, could not legally be sold to individual consumers by the bottle. “Another reason the government sucks,” Ron thought to himself.

He parked his car and walked through the front door. Halfway to the bar, he stumbled upon Chris. Or, rather, Chris stumbled into him. Chris made no effort to talk to him, only mumbling something about “needing to dance.”
“He should be drunk more often,” Ron thought.

At the bar he found Leslie, eyes buried in her phone, and Tom, dressed like an idiot.
“Leslie. Thomas,” he said before turning to the bartender.
“Three Snakejuices, please.”

(via xknowthyenemyx)

tommy—timberlake:

literallythebestcitycouncil:

literallythebestcitycouncil:

Millicent Gergich has LITERALLY torn my heart from my body, and replaced it with a thick slab of sadness. I may never smile again. I’ve just started this, I see my fellow co-workers have created one which only means that I must join them! I’ve just returned from…

Ron Swanson. You are a good man. I am truly, I mean truly honored by your invitation and I would be glad to accompany you! I will engage in eating dead animal carcass just for you, and then go on a 6 day purifying binge to counteract it. But I am delighted!

aw a little man date goin’ on!

(via tommy--timberlake-deactivated20)